For context I live in a very religious village but have never been religious, ever. I went to a strict christian school but after
>close your eyes and pray to talk to god
and literally nothing happening i never believed in any religion. This was only compounded by the millions of religions and sects claiming to be the one true faith with the only true god(s).
I wish i was retarded enough to delude myself into being religious because at least then all this shit, the suffering, the pain that is life would have meaning and would be bearable. But im just bitter and feel exceedingly empty inside every day. I am not a person to delude myself to make me feel better though.